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Josie and Beth

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[20 Feb 2004|05:15pm]

i liked that last one.
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[02 Feb 2004|10:21pm]

if you'd just do it i'd say yes yes yes
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things that make me happy no matter what [26 Jan 2004|12:33am]

-The moment at night when, after cleaning my room and washing my bedding and taking a warm shower and softly putting on jazz/Interpol/other, I slip between the folded-down cotton sheets, sigh, and think, "GOD this is the best thing ever." It's like an orgasm.
-Newport. Like the day Josie and I were trying to find lunch, but first we stopped at Nye Beach and had a cigarette over the cable fence. It was early winter and cool and clear and sunny, some kid was feeding bread to the seagulls, and we could see the lighthouse. If I had nothing but that as my life, I can't tell you I'd be unfulfilled.
-Feeling something softly accidentally brush against my skin, fingertips, someone else's hair or sleeve or lips...and especially when they give you a smile that says "sorry" but means "I liked it, too."
-Dancing alone in my room in my underwear and laughing because it's one of those times that I just adore myself, and I'm wearing stockings.
-Laughing with a group of people. It's all I ever want to do, ever.
-Going to old places like cemeteries, Old Town, or Prague and phasing out anything modern so I can pretend I'm back in a different era just for a few seconds.
-Vintage clothing.
-Planning my own gravesite.
-Reading poetry alone on a public bench on a sunny day.
-Hearing what people say about me.
-Finding out that someone has been notably and positively affected by me.
-Ladylike lunches with Josie, like sandwiches and coffee at Canyon Way when we got our whipped cream on the side and ate it with our spoons, and then bought a number of very elegant things like the little mint cases.
-Summer and everything about it, because even when you're bored, it's summer. Like eating after school at Sada's with a bunch of people near the end of high school last year, and going to the river with Sarah and Josie, and driving through Logsden with the sun so hot that the air coursing through the windows burned our cheeks.
-When colors look so surreal that it's like a movie filter, like those yellow days in Logsden or that ashy stone day at the cemetery, or the overwhelming green of a Northwestern forest, or a perfectly lighted cafe.
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[16 Jan 2004|07:01pm]

I secretly adore the movie Practical Magic. I think Josie and I should buy the house when we get old, and live in it just like the two aunts, with tiny parasol things when we go into town, and rooms full of flowers, and lots of stairs and windows, and hardwood floors, and nothing to do all day but dress up in cool old clothes and be cool old ladies.
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[16 Jan 2004|01:03am]

[ mood | mmm ]

my thursday night includes-

sitting alone, room completely to myself, new cd, the most glorious and romantic rose perfume, a beautiful new lacy pink and black top, and sitting around in my underwear.

this also includes having absolutely nothing to do. but done in glamorous underwear, nothing is a lot more satisfying.

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[13 Jan 2004|11:43pm]

so you've thrown my heart back in my general direction. i imagine it's half-buried in beach sand or hidden in tall grass, beating fast and faint like a fatally wounded sparrow - the kind children cup in their hands, soothe to sleep, bury, and mourn. this should teach me a little about death.
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[13 Jan 2004|07:20pm]

[ mood | too full, sort of optimistic ]

here's a story brynna told me today:
some woman came to toledo to talk about college, she had moved there her junior year, graduated, didn't want to go to college but went to western because she felt she had to. she wanted to drop out but ended up going for two years because her dad was disappointed that she wanted to quit. after that she dropped out and moved to england, where she met her husband. they lived there for four years and now they travel everywhere together. she said that it was the best thing she could have done and that she recommends it that everyone live there for at least a while. it was so wonderful.

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[13 Jan 2004|08:39am]

benefits to being up at 8:39 AM
you have seen the sunrise
it's the best hour of evening in western europe (5:00)
the gray outside is crisp
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ten reasons i want to cheer josie up [11 Jan 2004|10:31pm]

[ mood | awh josie don't be sad ]

10. josie's heart totally copies mine but i don't mind
9. josie is a lady with a sense of propriety
8. when josie figures out what to do she will totally be happy, because if she's not destined for a pretty satisfying life then i don't know what the rest of us are supposed to think about the world
7. no one should tell josie otherwise. they just don't understand how her heart beats differently from theirs
6. josie's the cutest
5. when i have lunch with josie i know we own the place with our ladylike pretty dainty proper dignity
4. josie is about 10% as melodramatic as the rest of we college freshmen are; she just has more trueness in her heart to talk about, and i like to read it in her diary
3. if she shared an apartment with me next year it would be oh so pretty and nice for all; but if she went to england i would be oh so happy for her
2. josie reminds me of clara bow, dainty things, and pale lip gloss
1. josie is my Person of the Year

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[11 Jan 2004|09:20pm]

i love sex and the city. but every time i watch it i crave to grow up to be successful and stylish in new york, and have dainty stylish cocktail lunches with my successful and stylish friends, and worry about nothing other than my wardrobe, career, sex life, and stylish apartment. and then i feel really ashamed of myself. because honestly, deep down, i just want to crave old clothes and a dirty house and lots of witty, raucous companions who are just as anti-establishment/anti-materialism as i would like to be.

shhh. this is a secret.
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chapter two [09 Jan 2004|07:37pm]

listen-i'll say you
a park in the city, a
park in the dusk just
as the snow is beginning:
the gray-blue, the sweet-cold,
the whispering rustling.
-do you remember?-
floor by floor the lights rising
as darkness filled up
the tall wells of the streets
gigantically ringing the
small empty park where
the thin show slid in
as if it would fall
through the dusk there forever,
amidst gears', horns', wrangles
hushing a circle;
the gray-white, the sweet-cold.
-now you remember-
how young and unhappy and
lovely you were
how uselessly in
love we were; and there
walking alone in new york in the snow
you had nobody anywhere to see to
talk to nowhere to go

-winfield townley scott
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[09 Jan 2004|05:51pm]

[ mood | kind of hungry ]

me: i ate sooo many reeses on christmas.
me: i was in heaven
alfy: died from eating too much horrible candy?

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[08 Jan 2004|12:25am]

[ mood | oh no, oh yesyes ]

I couldn't possibly appreciate this moment enough.

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[07 Jan 2004|10:22pm]

[ mood | i cant exactly decide ]

right now i can't decide if i should stay up till 4 to see all 5 episodes of kids in the hall on the assumption that school will be closed tomorrow or if i should only watch a few and fall asleep early.

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[07 Jan 2004|06:48pm]

[ mood | shyit... ]

as scared as i am to run away to england, sometimes i think i would give anything just to stare at his hands for hours at a time.

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[07 Jan 2004|02:34pm]

[ mood | avocado ]

Today, I could swear, my veins are trembling.

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[06 Jan 2004|11:51pm]

[ mood | sometimes ]

1. aneurysm. that's how you spell it.
2. the smell of rose.
3. if he were a statue and i were a vine.
4. stars in the colors of the rainbow, winding around my desk.
5. i want to put you in my pocket.
6. josie we should make ladylike lunch a monthly requisite.
7. every time i buy a cd, number 7 skips.
8. i could be - a spanish teacher.
9. sometimes i'm super hot, and sometimes i'm rather not.
10. i think we all go through this and i don't see why i feel justified in complaining.

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first the worst, second the best, loser [06 Jan 2004|11:19pm]

motion picture soundtrack says:
i should make up a word and use it all the time and make fun of people who dont know what it means
motion picture soundtrack says:
i did that one time and made a girl really confused
anti- says:
anti- says:
what was the word?
motion picture soundtrack says:
i cant remember
motion picture soundtrack says:
it didnt even sound real
motion picture soundtrack says:
i could come up with a better one now but it was in middle school
motion picture soundtrack says:
something like efficefilate
anti- says:
motion picture soundtrack says:
it meant to sass
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[06 Jan 2004|10:53pm]

[ mood | ificouldmove ]

my most quiet fear is that he never thinks of me when he's alone at night, quiet, in the dark.

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